Not Everyone Embraces Progress

Those redundant items that litter your household may come back to haunt you.
This is a lesson in caring for all those spectacles that have allowed you to thread a needle or read a book.

The household used to be my friend
But now that friendship’s at an end.
I’d hoped to get some sympathy,
But this is how they treated me:

‘I don’t have any eyes,’ I said
As I lay down on book unread.
‘I once saw such amazing places,
Stunning stories, glossy pages.’

‘Just look at me,’ the cup replied,
‘and see my coffee-stained inside.
Last night I gave her comfort sweet
But stained her crisp white cotton sheet.’

‘You think that’s bad!’ Ashtray coughed up
As he addressed the dirty cup.
‘I used to be the king of ashes
But now she’s using those damned patches.’

‘I don’t have any eyes!’ I wailed,
‘Dramatic headline: TRAIN DERAILED;
Those stories that were once abundant –
Gone – and I feel quite redundant.’

‘Oh, do stop moaning,’ Hoover fussed,
‘At least you’re not left full of dust.
Each time I try to rest I feel
Those fleas that leap round my back wheel.’

Bed sprang up quick and with a snort,
‘Try skin mites, bed bugs that cavort
Inside my ticking as I speak.
Tell me, how am I supposed to sleep?
When kids sleep-over, you should see
The mess that they all make of me.’

‘But I have lost my eyes!’ I pleaded.
‘I feel I am no longer needed.
Those stains will come out when you’re washed,
And as for fleas – they can be squashed.’

Cup stirred and back came his retort,
Not in the mood for such poor sport:
‘I don’t suppose you’ve felt the pain
Of Brillo on your porcelain!’

‘But what about my eyes?’ I wept.
‘In golden case I once was kept.
There was no sight I could not see.
Does no-one sympathise with me?’

In unison they all did call:
‘Not one iota; not at all!’
For they had found a brand new friend –
The marvellous Disposable Contact Lens.